I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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