He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
