I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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