you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
