whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
