I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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