You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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