Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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