i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
