also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize