i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
