I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
