it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
