woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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