I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
