they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
