I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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