sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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