And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
