there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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