is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
