No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
