Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
