Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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