Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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