Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
