Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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