Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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