i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
