did you get engaged???
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize