looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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