Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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