I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
