He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
