Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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