Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
