Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
