the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
