I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
