i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize