this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
