watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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