garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
