Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
