Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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