i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
