just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize