Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
