it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
