Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
