at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
