walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
