During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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