The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
