You're so nebulous sometimes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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