home. puking in laundry basket.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
