shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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