i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's official drugs can't kill me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
