Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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