hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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