Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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