sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
